peacelovehappiness

“Love is not only something you feel.
It is something you do.”

 David Wilkerson

In her book, ‘No Less Than Greatness,’ Mary Manin Morrissey speaks of a research study that explored how family members communicate with each other. Apparently, the most frequently spoken words between husbands, wives, sisters and brothers were “What’s on?” and “Move.”

 She goes on to say, “We all desire great relationships but often settle for just getting by. Many of us have stopped questioning the fact that we may know fictitious TV families more intimately than we do our own.”

The most powerful force in our lives is our ability to love.
Indeed, it’s the most basic essence of who we are.

 The whole idea of compassion is based on a
keen awareness of the other.
The whole purpose of life is to live by love.

 Thomas Merton

Source:  Higher Awareness

One of the most important messages I want to get across in my writing is to not wait until it is too late to realize how important someone you love is to you.

While telling them you love them is so important and the words “I love you” should be expressed sincerely and often, actions speak louder than words.

To my new readers . . . I am a widow who was happily married 22 years, never expecting to be single again . . . never wanting to be single again since my husband and I had a charmed life.  We worked hard, partied hard and were so happy.

The tragic events of September 11 changed our lives.  It horrified both of us and made us realize how fragile life is.  We made a pact on 9/11/01 to never go to bed angry, always treat each “goodbye” as the last time we were to see each other and to find little ways of expressing love for each other.

It was the happiest year of our married life.
He died suddenly on 10/8/02.

Do you know how important of a gift that year was to me?  We had a great marriage, but the last year was awesome . . . the way it should be every day.

Remember my story the next time you say “goodbye” to someone you love.

How do you experience and express

your love for the people in your life?

Dreams are renewable.
No matter what our age or condition, there
are still untapped possibilities within us and
new beauty waiting to be born.

Dale E. Turner

I’ve often been accused of living in a dream world,
but who are we without our dreams?
Dreams are just dreams if we only talk about them.
Action behind the talk makes them more than dreams.

Success is the result of a dream in action!

Remember these words the
next time someone calls you a dreamer

As I wrote in my personal grateful blog this morning, the realization came of reaching the end of a couple bad phases in my life.  It seems to me that dreams and inspirations are somewhat put aside during a bad phase . . . now it is time to renew those dreams and ponder new inspirations.

My dreams have always been in bright colors and the inspirations occasionally a bit bizarre . . . and I have even gone after those bizarre dreams . . . don’t you have to get them out of your system?

I’ve written about Walt Disney and his bizarre dream of a cartoon mouse as my inspiration . . . his friends laughed at him.  Who is laughing now?

Dreams are invigorating and add to the spice of life . . . discovering those untapped possibilities within us can be an exciting adventure that need to be explored.

There is a saying that I recently found that I think about every morning when I wake up to start off my day .  .  .

“What new and exciting

 thing will happen today?

Anticipating a beautiful day prepares the inner child within me for something new and exciting. Of course something new and exciting doesn’t happen every day, however, the possibility and anticipation helps to create the atmosphere and attitude.  That in itself does not make one a dreamer . . . it makes one open to the possibilities with a positive attitude toward life.

I know what you guys have been thinking about my recent “happy attitude” . . . nope, there is not a new man in my life

There are only two places that I see,
One is strong, and the other one feels so weak,
And this plan feels so strange to me,
It’s all I see, baby

Lyrics from the song

Runaway ~ Nelly Furtado

 Life is a series of phases, changes and transitions . . . what makes the difference is our attitude towards life in general and how we approach these changes, whether they be pleasant or unpleasant ones. As I am reorganizing my blog posts around and going through old posts, I can see the different changes in my attitude, my reactions to what is going on in my life and how it affects how I am feeling.

At the time I wrote the following post, August 2007, I realized I was running away from my problems, just waiting to die . . . and since then I started to face then head on, tackling them one at a time.

I have the plan, working on it one day at a time
. . . no more running away!

Just one little change makes such a difference. I have proved it to myself many times, only to return to negative and warped thinking. How many times do we have to slip and fall, make the same mistakes over and over again before we learn?

Hopefully I have and this is a permanent change!

Runaway is one of my favorite songs of all time by one of my favorite singers, Nelly Furtado.  This song has had different meaning at various stages in recent past.  A powerful song can do that for me . . .

Originally posted August 2007

Running away . . . isn’t that what I’ve been doing? Sure, it’s true that I’ve not gone anywhere . . . in fact, I’ve locked myself in my self-imposed prison and have not left my house since last week. It is what I’ve wanted.

But haven’t I been running away from progress?

“And I know you wanna,

Let it go,

And I know you wanna,

 Go with the flow,

But you can’t”

Many forces have been at work in the midst of my inner struggle.

Disappointments and disagreements with people in my life . . . my birthday came and went and I never admitted that being one year older has scared the hell out of me . . . future uncertainty with a sketchy plan . . . no real purpose in my life . . . and I’ve recently made a realization that scared me more than anything has scared me in a very long time . . . I’m just sitting around waiting to die.

 Have I fallen down so many times that even though I go through the motions, in actuality, I’ve given up on life? Like the songs says . . . “and I know you wanna” . . . sure, I wanna this and I wanna that, but I don’t do it. I can’t.

 Powerful words . . . “I can’t” . . . tell yourself this enough times and you never will.  More than anything, I wanna go with the flow, my mind goes with the flow. It is like I described in another blog and I keep thinking about this analogy . . . it is not a merry-go-round that I can’t get off of that never stops . . .no, I am in the middle of it, the part that doesn’t move, yet the merry-go-round spins around the middle . . . and I can’t get on.

 An awesome friend told me tonight that I’m not giving myself permission to move on . . . whatever force it is that is keeping me from doing so . . . guilt . . . fear . . . I’ve been thinking about it since he brought it to my attention. So I run away . . . no wonder this is one of my favorite songs. I can so relate to it . . . I live it daily. But who or what am I running away from? hmmmmm myself? And why? I can almost feel the wings beneath my feet.

 The way I write, think and become inspired is very strange. Since I listen to music 24/7, I relate to song lyrics, I can get lost in them . . . but it is also my musical background as a songwriter that takes me to that point of inspiration. Song lyrics are about life, love . . . a tear in someone’s beer.

 Tonight I was listening to my Nelly Furtado playlist and this song, Runaway, came on and I thought of the many times that I’ve gotten different meanings from this song. At this moment I’m not facing the things that I need to be doing and running away.

 More progress . . .
just from listening to a song
in my bizarre, analytical way . . .

Runaway | Nelly Furtado

 Lyrics:

There are only two places I could go

One is dark, and it feels so hollow

And it lets me in only to swallow

To much water until i drown, baby

And the other place is calm and sweet

I can almost feel wings beneath my feet

 And i don’t care if it feels to deep

I like it, I like it

And I know you wanna

Take a chance

And I know you wanna

Understand me and

Let me in

But you, runaway from what you know

And you, runaway from what you don’t

I don’t wanna wait for you

To change your mind

Don’t take the time

Show me your love tonight

There are only two places that I see

One is strong, and the other one feels so weak

And this plan feels so strange to me

It’s all I see, baby

And i know you wanna

Let it go

And i know you wanna

Flow this love

But you can’t

So you, runaway from what you know

And you, runaway from what you don’t

I don’t wanna wait for you

To change your mind

Don’t take the time

Show me your love tonight, oh yeah, tonight.

All the angels know what i know

You’re an angel that sings to me

It’s the greatest secret of all

I am free from thinking

But you, runaway from what you know

And you, runaway from what you don’t

I don’t wanna wait for you

To change your mind

Don’t take the time

Let’s make love

Don’t runaway from what you know

Don’t runaway, just let it go

I don’t wanna wait for you

To tell me what’s right

Don’t fight it

Let’s make love tonight

One of my favorite recordings ever!

Thank you to everyone who participates in Entrecard who has dropped on my blog!

Here are my top 10 EC droppers who consistently visited my blog, dropping their cards despite uncertainty whether Today.com blogs would be able to continue to participate.

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Voices ~ Madonna

Are you continually struggling to
accomplish what is expected of you?

 If so, stop to think for a moment:

Who holds those expectations?

This is a two-part post
The first part is on another blog,
but not necessary to read.

  Click here if you want to read the first part.

In many ways, I am grateful for my dad’s strict rules and high standards . . . it made me personally strive to set goals and work hard to reach them.  To this day, the satisfaction of a job well done is very important to me . . . more important than the money earned for the job, although money is a measurement of the success.

 One of my former bosses was very influential in my life.  He was a professor who freelanced as a management consultant/motivation speaker . . . a dynamic man who really enjoyed his life since he had a passion for his work that seamlessly flowed into his personal life.

 The greatest lesson he taught me . . . you must love what you do for a living or else it is not a life that is worth living . . . you must be smiling while you work.  He also taught me about appreciation.

 He was an awesome boss . . . very much like my dad as far as setting high standards and expected near perfection from me, but there was a difference in his approach.  Work was fun and he constantly nominated me for awards, bonuses and extra pay raises . . . there was a reward for the hard work.  In turn, I expected more from myself than he did because I wanted to be worthy of those rewards that represented a job well done.

 In retrospect, he and my dad expected the same high standards, but took a different approach, producing totally opposite results from me.  One approach motivated me to achieve, the other approach turned me into a resentful and rebellious young lady, yet very ambitious and driven.

 I’ve written about my dad before and how we never made peace . . . he was nasty to me even on his last days on earth . . . he was just a miserable man and obviously resented my presence in his life.  It has taken me a long time to realize that I didn’t do anything wrong, I wasn’t a failure . . . it was my dad who miserably failed at life.

Set your own standards,
take pride in everything you do
and be true to yourself.

Don’t allow someone else to raise the bar
and make you feel like a failure.

This is what I wish I learned as a
little girl, but learned as an adult.

Courage is the greatest of all the virtues.
Because if you haven’t courage, you may not
have an opportunity to use any of the others.

Samuel Johnson

Nervous In The Light Of Dawn ~ Leigh Nash

There have been days when getting out of bed took courage. In my greatest depths of depression, my energy was totally sapped . . . it will do that to you.

Have you ever been through
one of those phases of life?

Dealing with death does that to me . . . the grief saps me of all energy to keep going. In my opinion, grief is a form of depression . . . I recognized the signs when one of my best friends died recently . . . that feeling of no energy consumed me and felt so familiar.

Going through the motions of putting one foot in front of the other to walk is a monumental task in these times. Many think that some of these symptoms that are felt is merely the “depressed” person being lazy.

The misconceptions associated with mental health are cruel and lack compassion . . . this is the attitude that keeps a depressed person in the depths of depression when the emotional support that is so needed is not there, especially if they are made to feel like they are “worthless,” leaving them feeling even more helpless with lower self-esteem. It is a vicious cycle.  

It is not a conscious effort to physically do nothing, but the emotional state of the depressed person almost makes the simplest things in life impossible. I have referred to “getting up when I fall down” in previous posts . . . that one thing is the most difficult to do when physically and emotionally, there is no energy in order to get up.

What it takes to overcome the depths of depression is inner strength and courage to go against that energy, fight it with everything within you, get up and keep going.  As time goes by, I have learned the longer you stay down, the harder it becomes to get back up. At least that is how I see it, having been through it several times in my life.

Life changes, losses and bad circumstances will take you to that dark place, not just grief. There are all types of losses that feel like death . . . for example, divorce or loss of a job.  It is the disruption of a lifestyle. 

We are living in times of trouble and should exercise compassion with those close to us going through a difficult time . . . emotions are very fragile in those times of lifestyle changes.

I’ll close with these words . . . never say “get over it” to someone having a difficult time.

How have you dealt with a
difficult situation in life?

 What are your coping mechanisms?

 How do you maintain peace and
contentment in bad times?

Britney Spears ~ I’ve Just Begun

Out of the darkest despair of blue days came sunshine and rainbows, expectations and plans running through my mind repeatedly like a child on Christmas Eve being so excited anticipating Santa’s visit and what gifts he may bring.

The expectations are more like fuzzy dreams and what I’m feeling is the anticipation of what is to come with the faith that it is everything I need . . . that is all I want.

All of these fabulous emotions have brought me a peace and calmness that has allowed me restful sleep and a definite routine. As a result, the anxiety and restless feelings are under control and what is left goes beyond faith and hope . . . great expectations.

A slight shift in my thinking has made such a difference for me by putting a positive emphasis on enjoying the journey rather than constantly anticipating the destination.

Just as the excitement on Christmas Eve anticipating the gifts, once the gifts are open, where is the excitement of anticipation? The anticipation is what brings the most joy . . . at least it does for me.

The balance of the outcome, what I call the “ying/yang thing” is accepting the gifts, relax and enjoy them . . . experience and love the joy of the moment.

Living in the moment and anticipating unexpected changes in life as a new and exciting journey has been making a big difference in my life.

I would like to thank my new friends who have dropped on PeaceLoveHappiness and Subtropical Gardening through EntreCard.

It has been a blast making new friends and finding awesome blogs that I will continue dropping off EntreCard through my Blogspot blogs . . .

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“Love is not in the word,

but in the proof of action.”

Author unknown

It amazes me that I forgot about one of the most absurd relationships I’ve ever had in my life . . . until I read this entry from back in 2007.  The emotions of the situation and the way I handled it have come back to me like a comedy routine that really happened.

The actual facts were never disclosed and I will save the entire story for another time . . . I’m still not ready to tell the whole tale although it is very funny.  The downside is that it cured me from wanting to date local guys or even look for someone new in my life.

It was around the time that I felt confident about diving into the dating scene again and posted a profile on some of the dating websites.  This endeavor produced one promising candidate named Tommy. 

 Tommy and I embarked upon the journey of attempting to make a love connection and getting to know each other.  We were both seriously ready to find “the one.”  However, this is one of those life situations that sent me back to my hermit cave, never returning to the dating scene.

August 1, 2007

You could say this about anything in life . . . I’ve grown up with the saying “put your money where your mouth is” . . . meaning do what you say and say what you do . . .

Words are just words on a page, on a computer screen or spoken . . . those words don’t really take on meaning until action is taken to prove their validity. Otherwise you are just fooling yourself, someone else or both . . . empty words.

No one is immune to the phenomena of good intentions in the context of empty words. I’ve been guilty of that many times. How many times do I say that I want to do this or that, the serious intentions behind the statements are valid, but for one reason or another, I don’t put action behind my words. Good intentions . . . dreams . . . wishful thinking . . . procrastination.

However, as it relates to love, perhaps in the context of promises, proclamations of love . . . they honestly have no meaning within themselves. They are merely empty words until action is taken to prove those words. Empty words are used to deceive . . . for one reason or another.

A song that I wrote many years ago resides on a very old cassette and the lyrics written in a huge notebook with other song lyrics. “Empty Words” is the title of the song . . . I’d post the lyrics, but they are not copyrighted. Something happened yesterday that reminded me of that song and inspired this blog.

Since I was a young adult with aspirations of being the next rock star singer/songwriter my words have been empty. How many times did I take the stage when given the opportunity only to begin to walk out, see the audience and totally freak out, turn around and go back in retreat. All that talk of wanting to be a successful rock star . . . empty words with good intentions. Maybe one day I will at least publish my songs and be a successful songwriter . . . but it takes actions.

I recently spoke empty words with good intentions that disappointed someone new in my life, but at the same time showed me that this person lacks understanding and compassion for someone they supposedly care for and are much too rigid and uptight of a person to enjoy life and share happiness with someone if such a small, insignificant thing could turn into such a huge deal.

The subject of another blog . . . understanding and compassion . . . one of the most key elements to an awesome relationship. Another subject that goes along with it is harsh and hurtful words . . . another key element needed . . . kindness. Without these things you have nothing. 

I’m glad I was able to see these characteristics in him before I could seriously get hurt by this guy and his raging temper that flared up in a restaurant resulting in my calmly getting up, walking out and leaving him stewing in his rage all alone.  Funny how he got louder shouting, “where are you going?” as I just about ran out the door. 

In retrospect, I would have loved to be a fly on the wall to see the look on his face as he stood there alone in the crowded restaurant, after figuratively “showing his ass” for all the world to see.

Never in my life would I even think of ending a seemingly perfect relationship because I ordered french fries with my dinner . . . but more bizarre things have happened in my life . . . although this one is up there!

All I can say is that God is always watching out for me and I am so grateful that I ordered those freakin’ french fries that sparked my initial decision to embrace my solitude after realizing that Dr. Jekyll can turn into Mr. Hyde.

It doesn’t matter how far apart we are;

what matters is how close we stay

Walk On By ~ Britney Spears

There is distance that is measured in miles,
then there is emotional distance

I’ve experienced closeness from across the world that was stronger than that which was in my face . . . I’ve also experienced the loss of that closeness that turns into emotional distance. With a long distance relationship, emotional distance is the one thing that will surely kill the romance . . . especially when it is unexplained, a mystery.

Through my blogs I have heard from many women who have enjoyed online long distance relationships . . . most read like horror stories, but on the other hand, I’ve heard beautiful love stores that remind me of my favorite romantic fairy tales.

Some would say that distrust and paranoid thinking creates the emotional distance some of us experience. However, isn’t it intuition that drives that same distrust and paranoia?

Although childhood experiences has often made me doubt my sense of intuition, surprisingly, my intuition is usually correct. Perhaps those experiences as a child gave me a greater sense of intuition that grew out of paranoia.

Distrust is a strong word, however, in an online long distance relationship isn’t it smart to be safe than sorry? Can you truly believe anyone you really don’t know and have never met?

In my experiences as a single woman, I’ve always had a certain level of “distrust” for anyone new that I meet. In this world of lies and deceit, it is a good practice to be conservatively skeptical until your intuition is reassured that all is on the level.

Even after your intuition is reassured, it takes two to make a relationship work, whether it is long distance or living together. Emotional distance is not measured by miles, but by nurturing those romantic feelings of closeness and mutual respect for each other.

How does your relationship measure up in emotional distance?

Can true love survive in a long distance relationship?